Game: Nj Nets vs Toronto Raptors
Date: 11/15/08
Terror-maker: Vince Carter
Offense: Causing emotional trauma
Target: Toronto Raptor Fans
With the Raptors up by 7 with two minutes to go, I was pretty sure the game was over. The nets naturally kept dumping the ball into Vince Carters hands, and Vince went and made a couple of shots in a row. Then he made a few more. All of a sudden the nets were down 2 with only a couple seconds remaining and Anthony Parker at the line. Naturally Parker missed the first free throw. Parker=Douche. I had him on my fantasy's team for a few weeks, and saying he sucked ass would be an understatement. Anyway, so the leads at 3 with .8 seconds remaining. I tell my bud "wouldn't it be something if Vince made a three right now?". Sure enough Vince came through with a shocking three from deep. That capped 12 points in a row by Vince. To make matters worse, after a flurry of three's by bosh, Hayes, and Parker the game was tied near the end of OT. With 2 seconds to go, Vince ends the game with a reverse dunk off an inbounds pass from Bobby Simmons. Man, that was one hell of an entertaining game. But most importantly, it ruined the day of raptor fans everywhere. Vince Carter, who's often accused of not giving it his all, reverted back to his days of Vincesanity to take a seemingly wrapped up game out of the hands of the raptors and send theem to a devastating loss.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Nj Nets Announcers, Terrorizing the NBA on 11/15/08
Game: NJ Nets vs Atlanta Hawks
Date: 11/15/08
Terror-maker: Both NJ Nets announcers
Offense: "Bring out the biscuits its T-time!"
Target: All living beings with functional hearing senses.
Around the third quarter of the Nets-hawks game, Joe Johnson got hit with a technical foul for arguing with a ref. About a few seconds after that the hawks coach got hit with a tech as well. This prompted one of the announcers (I can't tell them apart, both sound like douche's) to say "BRING OUT THE BISCUITS, ITS TEA TIME!". Apparently its supposed to be funny because people were getting hit with "t's", which sounds like "tea". And some people eat biscuits with tea. So ha ha. Its a joke. I was too busy dealing with the pain of my ear drums exploding to find it funny at the time. Either that or it was a stupid joke.
Date: 11/15/08
Terror-maker: Both NJ Nets announcers
Offense: "Bring out the biscuits its T-time!"
Target: All living beings with functional hearing senses.
Around the third quarter of the Nets-hawks game, Joe Johnson got hit with a technical foul for arguing with a ref. About a few seconds after that the hawks coach got hit with a tech as well. This prompted one of the announcers (I can't tell them apart, both sound like douche's) to say "BRING OUT THE BISCUITS, ITS TEA TIME!". Apparently its supposed to be funny because people were getting hit with "t's", which sounds like "tea". And some people eat biscuits with tea. So ha ha. Its a joke. I was too busy dealing with the pain of my ear drums exploding to find it funny at the time. Either that or it was a stupid joke.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Derek Fisher, Terrorizing the NBA on 11/14/08
Game: Los Angeles Lakers vs Detriot Pistons
Date: 11/14/08
Terror-maker: Derek Fisher
Offense: Shooting 4/16
Target: The Los Angeles Lakers
I could have chosen Kwame Brown as the number one offender on November the 14th, as he completely out played both Andrew Bynum and Pau Gasol. Seriously. Kwame Brown. But no, what Derek Fisher did is far more criminal than Pau getting shut down by Kwame. Fisher came into the game shooting 36% from the field, and then he goes and chucks up 16 shots. Its one thing to shoot when your team has a comfortable lead, giving yourself a chance to find your groove without screwing everyone over. Its another thing to shoot deep 2's on a fast break while your teams trying to fight back from a double digit deficit. Every time he brought the ball up the court he chucked up a shot. Although he had 0 turnovers, he missed 12 shots. Had someone else taken those twelve shots and say hit six of them, the Lakers would have had a realistic chance at winning. The guy is taking 10.8 shots a game and hitting on average 3.8 of them. That's as efficient as an old lady using an entire shopping cart just to check out a pack of gum. I don't get why old ladies have to use a shopping cart for everything. Don't they realize it congest the check-out lines? Anyway, I know Derek fisher is a great locker room leader, but on the court he's well, trigger happy. Trigger happy+ 30% shooting=fail.
Date: 11/14/08
Terror-maker: Derek Fisher
Offense: Shooting 4/16
Target: The Los Angeles Lakers
I could have chosen Kwame Brown as the number one offender on November the 14th, as he completely out played both Andrew Bynum and Pau Gasol. Seriously. Kwame Brown. But no, what Derek Fisher did is far more criminal than Pau getting shut down by Kwame. Fisher came into the game shooting 36% from the field, and then he goes and chucks up 16 shots. Its one thing to shoot when your team has a comfortable lead, giving yourself a chance to find your groove without screwing everyone over. Its another thing to shoot deep 2's on a fast break while your teams trying to fight back from a double digit deficit. Every time he brought the ball up the court he chucked up a shot. Although he had 0 turnovers, he missed 12 shots. Had someone else taken those twelve shots and say hit six of them, the Lakers would have had a realistic chance at winning. The guy is taking 10.8 shots a game and hitting on average 3.8 of them. That's as efficient as an old lady using an entire shopping cart just to check out a pack of gum. I don't get why old ladies have to use a shopping cart for everything. Don't they realize it congest the check-out lines? Anyway, I know Derek fisher is a great locker room leader, but on the court he's well, trigger happy. Trigger happy+ 30% shooting=fail.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Stephon Marbury: Staying Sane
The Stephon Marbury saga, spanning from 03-04 to 07-08 looks like it will finally come to and end. During that period of time we've been treated to many highly entertaining Steph moments. Such as:
1. Showing up to Mike'd up on pcp. Hilarity ensues.
2. Talking about preparing for the upcoming NBA season by running in the mountains.
3. Claiming he has dirt on Isiah.
4. Running Larry Brown out of town while simultaneously running the Knicks into the ground.
5. Doing things in vans to interns.
6. Acting flat out crazy.
The list goes on and on. Unfortunately for some, it seems as if Stephon has finally learned how to control his insanity. When Mike D'antoni decided to bench Stephon, the media decided to blow up the story. Stephon has been pressed about how he feels about the situation, asked the same questions over and over, and yet, the media still hasn't gotten the flat out insane response its been dying for. The same people who helped Stephon look like a maniac, are now going insane waiting for him to crack.
Instead monitoring Stephon round the clock, what the media should really be doing is pressing hardcore gangster Tony Battie. During the Bulls vs Magic game, it came very apparent that my new hero, Andres Nocioni, was pissing off everyone on the Magic. He kicked Rashard Lewis in the groin, landed a hard foul on Keyon Dooling, Dwight Howard and Hedo Turkowhatever. Each of them tried to do their ego's justice by "stepping up" to Andres, who simply smiled and laughed. Clearly Andres was just playing the game with toughness, while the pansy's on the magic took it personally. Of course, Tony Battie would have none of this. After Andres drove in on Rashard hit the lay up and got an opportunity for a three point play, Andres let out a huge roar. Tony Battie realized his groups gangsterness was on the line, so what does he do? He approaches Andres, bumps him, and mumbles something. Andres flat out ignored him and walked to the free throw line. Bravery at its finest. Battie looks like an over sized Orc, and Orcs are generally big i assume. Furthermore, Tony Battie is shooting 36% and averaging 2 points per game. The dudes 6'11. Whys he playing so bad you ask? Cause' he's busy running the hood for the magic. He has no time for "basketball". If I were the media, i'd focus more on this shady character Battie and what he does "off the court". Waiting for Stephon to revert to insanity is just a waste of time.
1. Showing up to Mike'd up on pcp. Hilarity ensues.
2. Talking about preparing for the upcoming NBA season by running in the mountains.
3. Claiming he has dirt on Isiah.
4. Running Larry Brown out of town while simultaneously running the Knicks into the ground.
5. Doing things in vans to interns.
6. Acting flat out crazy.
The list goes on and on. Unfortunately for some, it seems as if Stephon has finally learned how to control his insanity. When Mike D'antoni decided to bench Stephon, the media decided to blow up the story. Stephon has been pressed about how he feels about the situation, asked the same questions over and over, and yet, the media still hasn't gotten the flat out insane response its been dying for. The same people who helped Stephon look like a maniac, are now going insane waiting for him to crack.
Instead monitoring Stephon round the clock, what the media should really be doing is pressing hardcore gangster Tony Battie. During the Bulls vs Magic game, it came very apparent that my new hero, Andres Nocioni, was pissing off everyone on the Magic. He kicked Rashard Lewis in the groin, landed a hard foul on Keyon Dooling, Dwight Howard and Hedo Turkowhatever. Each of them tried to do their ego's justice by "stepping up" to Andres, who simply smiled and laughed. Clearly Andres was just playing the game with toughness, while the pansy's on the magic took it personally. Of course, Tony Battie would have none of this. After Andres drove in on Rashard hit the lay up and got an opportunity for a three point play, Andres let out a huge roar. Tony Battie realized his groups gangsterness was on the line, so what does he do? He approaches Andres, bumps him, and mumbles something. Andres flat out ignored him and walked to the free throw line. Bravery at its finest. Battie looks like an over sized Orc, and Orcs are generally big i assume. Furthermore, Tony Battie is shooting 36% and averaging 2 points per game. The dudes 6'11. Whys he playing so bad you ask? Cause' he's busy running the hood for the magic. He has no time for "basketball". If I were the media, i'd focus more on this shady character Battie and what he does "off the court". Waiting for Stephon to revert to insanity is just a waste of time.
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