To be a Superstar athlete is to be extremely talented, and most importantly, to win. Although, as 07/08 showed us, even Superstars fail to deliver when it matters most. Falling short of an ultimate achievement, flopping when it matters most, missing a shot at history, all of these can be found in the top three disappointing moments for superstar athletes 07/08.
#3. Kobe Bryant Game 4 2008 NBA Finals
Game 4, what a turning point in the 2008 NBA finals. Leading by 24 points through three quarters the Lakers were well on their way to evening up the series 2-2. And then the unbelievable happened. The Celtics went on a 21-3 run to end the third, and took the lead midway through the fourth. After being beaten by one of the largest comebacks in finals history, the Lakers went down 3-1. For the game Kobe scored 17 points on 6 for 19 shooting. For Kobe, this had to have been the biggest personal failure of the year. As team leader it was Kobe's responsibility to stop the bleeding, to help everyone gather their composure and finish off the game. Kobe failed to do so, and thus his chances for a fourth title pretty much came to an end that night.
For the series Kobe averaged only 25 ppg on 40% shooting to go along with 4 assist and 5 boards per game. In comparison, during the Western Conference playoffs Kobe averaged about 30 ppg on 50% shooting to go along with 6 assists and 6 rebounds per game. This was a terrible blow to Kobe Bryant as he was presented with the opportunity to be only the second player in NBA history to achieve: The Mvp award, First All-NBA team , NBA All-Defensive First Team, Finals Mvp x (who else would have got it? PAU GASOL?), Finals Champion x and Olympic gold medal all in one year. Even worse, it led to Shaq mocking Kobe in a freestyle. Now that had to have burned.
#2. Roger Federer Wimbledon 2008
For five years straight years Roger Federer walked away from Wimbledon as the champion. In 2008 he got his chance to break Borgs record for most consecutive wins at Wimbledon in the modern era. After an epic match against Nadal, Federers reign had come to an end. His failed to win #6, he handed his arch rival his first victory at Wimbledon, and his 65 match winning streak on grass was snapped. Worst of all the aura of invincibility that surrounded Federer was broken. When Federer loses to James Blake, as he did in the Olympics, you know somethings wrong. Although Federer might never get a shot at breaking Borgs record again, he’s still got a pretty legit shot at reclaiming #1. He’s only 27 and far from washed up. Its not too far fetched to imagine him going back to his dominating ways in 2009.
#1. Tom Brady 07/08 Super Bowl
Plaxico Burress predicted a final score of 23-17. Tom Brady laughed. Tom Brady sarcastically asked if Plaxico was going to be playing defense. Why shouldn't he have? After going 18-0, with the most deadly offense in the game, he was one win away from sweeping both the season and the playoffs. Unfortunately for Brady the New York Giants prevented that from happening. In what happened to be one of the biggest upsets in sports history, the Giants prevailed 17-14. First team to go 19-0? Your quest for redemption will begin in a few weeks, Tom.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Stupid things people have said to me 2008 Part 2
Today I got up at 8:50 am. Boarded the plane at 4 pm and took off to Alaska at 5;30 Pm.
-> Currently 7 PM in New York.
The worst part about writing on an Airplane: People can’t keep their eyes to themselves. That’s right fat guy next to me, I’m talking about you.
As if being stuffed into a shitty American Airlines 757 wasn’t shitty enough, the geniuses decided to play random CBS sitcoms on the mini TV screens. Great thinking guys!
So anyway, Onto part two of “Stupid things people have said to me 2008”
#1. “Don’t blame Isiah for the Knicks sucking, Blame the players. Isiah doesn’t take it to the courts”. - Security guard at work.
Oh yeah thanks for reminding me bro, I almost forgot that it’s the players who put the ball in the hoop and not the (now former) gm and coach Mr. Isiah. I mean, it would be silly to blame Isiah for the crap fest that was the Knicks since he took over. Its not like he picked the personnel, coached the team, made major trades and played a vital role in decided the route the team would take. Oh wait a minute, HE TOOK PART IN ALL OF THAT. Isiah’s first genius move was bringing Stephon Marbury. If Isiah took the time to look at what happened to teams who got rid of Marbury and what happened to teams that got marbury we possibly could have avoided all the crap that came along with him. For example, as soon as the Wolves traded him to the Nets, the Wolves improved while the Nets continued to suck. When the nets traded him to the Suns, the Nets ended up going to the finals twice while the Suns could barely make the playoffs. When the suns traded him to the Knicks, the suns got a future two time MVP and made one of the biggest single season turn arounds in nba history. At the same time the Knicks, well you know, became a laughing stock. So in a way by getting Marbury the Knicks fate was sealed from the get go. It didn’t help that he brought in notable failures such as Eddy Curry, Zack Jail Blazer Randolph, and Jamal Brickfard. Oh and don’t get me started about his insane coaching methods, he didn’t seem like he knew what he was doing. In the end its safe to say Isiah is a perfect target to blame, besides his constant trips out of reality showed us how out of it this man really was.
Uh oh we’re going through some TURBULANCE. Did you hear that fat guy? Put the chips away and put on your seat belt.
-> Its Currently 9 Pm In New York, should reach Seattle in 2 hours or so.
#2. “Kobe Bryant is just a lucky Tracy Mcgrady, there’s nothing special about him” - Dumbass At Recreational Basketball league
The amazing thing about Kobe Bryant is that for the most part its either love him or hate him. Rarely are people able to fall in between. Sure the man may have an arrogance problem, and his image was definitely damaged by his Colorado case/break up with Shaq. Even so the mans primary job is to be a basketball player, and there is no denying that he is one of the best players today. To say Kobe Bryant is just a luckier T-mac because Kobe has avoided many serious injuries and had shaq early in his career is to be in denial. Lets just compare a few accomplishments and the like between the two.
For the sake of the comparison I will exclude Kobe’s three championship rings with Shaq.
Kobe
1 Mvp Award
2 time scoring champ
2nd highest scoring game in the history of basketball (81 Points)
5 50 point+ games in a row
Reached NBA finals
10 time all-star selection
2 time all star MVP
10 time all nba team
8 time all defensive team
NBA slam dunk champion
T-Mac
2 time scoring champ
2nd longest winning steak in nba history (22)
7 time all star
7 time all nba team
Most improved award
By comparing major achievements in both players career, Kobe clearly edges out t-mac even without listing his three rings. And its not like T-Mac has been cursed to play on shitty teams. In fact it can be argued that T-MAC is just 2nd fiddle to Yao. Although they missed Yao last year, T-Mac failed to get past Dallas or Utah in the first round during years he had Yao’s help. Tracy Mcgrady is an amazing player, but he is not nearly as great as Kobe. Plus Kobe isn’t scared of New Orleans.
->Currently flying over a lot of mountains…and…more mountains. Experiencing a lot of turbulence, mainly from the walrus seated in front of me. I swear if this GOD DAMN walrus pushes his seat back into my laptop one more time, I’m going to punch him in his giant watermelon-shaped head. Anyway, onto number three.
3. “The Lakers making the finals was a fluke”-Same Guy as #2
Yes pal, the Lakers making It to the finals was as much of a fluke as the New England Patriots making it to the Super Bowl. The lakers only swept a 50 win team in the first round, followed by knocking out the Jazz in 6 and he defending champs in 5. The Lakers may have had their amazing offense destroyed by Celtic defense in the finals (Same can be said about the patriot offense against the giants defense), but that is no reason to call their journey to the finals a fluke.
-> Its currently 1 Am in New York, Getting ready to take off from Seattle to Anchorage Alaska.
Honorable Mention
“I’m going to bust your ass” - For the sake of anonymity lets call him “matt”
Matt felt that he would be able to beat me in a one on one game of basketball. I don’t know why he thought this, possibly because of the size advantage, or maybe he was on shrooms. Naturally the game ended with the winner being captain awesome at a score of 15-1. Silly matt.
-> Reached Alaska at 4;30 am.
-> Currently 7 PM in New York.
The worst part about writing on an Airplane: People can’t keep their eyes to themselves. That’s right fat guy next to me, I’m talking about you.
As if being stuffed into a shitty American Airlines 757 wasn’t shitty enough, the geniuses decided to play random CBS sitcoms on the mini TV screens. Great thinking guys!
So anyway, Onto part two of “Stupid things people have said to me 2008”
#1. “Don’t blame Isiah for the Knicks sucking, Blame the players. Isiah doesn’t take it to the courts”. - Security guard at work.
Oh yeah thanks for reminding me bro, I almost forgot that it’s the players who put the ball in the hoop and not the (now former) gm and coach Mr. Isiah. I mean, it would be silly to blame Isiah for the crap fest that was the Knicks since he took over. Its not like he picked the personnel, coached the team, made major trades and played a vital role in decided the route the team would take. Oh wait a minute, HE TOOK PART IN ALL OF THAT. Isiah’s first genius move was bringing Stephon Marbury. If Isiah took the time to look at what happened to teams who got rid of Marbury and what happened to teams that got marbury we possibly could have avoided all the crap that came along with him. For example, as soon as the Wolves traded him to the Nets, the Wolves improved while the Nets continued to suck. When the nets traded him to the Suns, the Nets ended up going to the finals twice while the Suns could barely make the playoffs. When the suns traded him to the Knicks, the suns got a future two time MVP and made one of the biggest single season turn arounds in nba history. At the same time the Knicks, well you know, became a laughing stock. So in a way by getting Marbury the Knicks fate was sealed from the get go. It didn’t help that he brought in notable failures such as Eddy Curry, Zack Jail Blazer Randolph, and Jamal Brickfard. Oh and don’t get me started about his insane coaching methods, he didn’t seem like he knew what he was doing. In the end its safe to say Isiah is a perfect target to blame, besides his constant trips out of reality showed us how out of it this man really was.
Uh oh we’re going through some TURBULANCE. Did you hear that fat guy? Put the chips away and put on your seat belt.
-> Its Currently 9 Pm In New York, should reach Seattle in 2 hours or so.
#2. “Kobe Bryant is just a lucky Tracy Mcgrady, there’s nothing special about him” - Dumbass At Recreational Basketball league
The amazing thing about Kobe Bryant is that for the most part its either love him or hate him. Rarely are people able to fall in between. Sure the man may have an arrogance problem, and his image was definitely damaged by his Colorado case/break up with Shaq. Even so the mans primary job is to be a basketball player, and there is no denying that he is one of the best players today. To say Kobe Bryant is just a luckier T-mac because Kobe has avoided many serious injuries and had shaq early in his career is to be in denial. Lets just compare a few accomplishments and the like between the two.
For the sake of the comparison I will exclude Kobe’s three championship rings with Shaq.
Kobe
1 Mvp Award
2 time scoring champ
2nd highest scoring game in the history of basketball (81 Points)
5 50 point+ games in a row
Reached NBA finals
10 time all-star selection
2 time all star MVP
10 time all nba team
8 time all defensive team
NBA slam dunk champion
T-Mac
2 time scoring champ
2nd longest winning steak in nba history (22)
7 time all star
7 time all nba team
Most improved award
By comparing major achievements in both players career, Kobe clearly edges out t-mac even without listing his three rings. And its not like T-Mac has been cursed to play on shitty teams. In fact it can be argued that T-MAC is just 2nd fiddle to Yao. Although they missed Yao last year, T-Mac failed to get past Dallas or Utah in the first round during years he had Yao’s help. Tracy Mcgrady is an amazing player, but he is not nearly as great as Kobe. Plus Kobe isn’t scared of New Orleans.
->Currently flying over a lot of mountains…and…more mountains. Experiencing a lot of turbulence, mainly from the walrus seated in front of me. I swear if this GOD DAMN walrus pushes his seat back into my laptop one more time, I’m going to punch him in his giant watermelon-shaped head. Anyway, onto number three.
3. “The Lakers making the finals was a fluke”-Same Guy as #2
Yes pal, the Lakers making It to the finals was as much of a fluke as the New England Patriots making it to the Super Bowl. The lakers only swept a 50 win team in the first round, followed by knocking out the Jazz in 6 and he defending champs in 5. The Lakers may have had their amazing offense destroyed by Celtic defense in the finals (Same can be said about the patriot offense against the giants defense), but that is no reason to call their journey to the finals a fluke.
-> Its currently 1 Am in New York, Getting ready to take off from Seattle to Anchorage Alaska.
Honorable Mention
“I’m going to bust your ass” - For the sake of anonymity lets call him “matt”
Matt felt that he would be able to beat me in a one on one game of basketball. I don’t know why he thought this, possibly because of the size advantage, or maybe he was on shrooms. Naturally the game ended with the winner being captain awesome at a score of 15-1. Silly matt.
-> Reached Alaska at 4;30 am.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Stupid things people have said to me 2008. Part One.
Paul Pierce recently claimed that he is "THE BEST BASKETBALL PLAYER IN THE WORLD".
He also claimed he is just confident and not conceited, then went on to list himself as one of his favorite players in the NBA. Well Mr Pierce, I have to disagree, the best player in the NBA is either Kobe Bryant or Lebron James. You see Mr Pierce last year you were a sad pathetic vagina-man who couldn't win shit without proper support in one hell of a weak eastern conference. Then suddenly you get Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen, win a championship, and claim you're the greatest? Sorry bud, your team was the greatest for the 07/08 year but you're not greatest individual player.
(to everyone who wants to compare finals performances, it was only 6 games and Kobe went up against Bostons defense while pierce went up against Vladimir Radmanovic).
In light of Pierces stupid sentences I've decided to make a multi-post...post on the many stupid things people have said to me in the year 2008. Seeing as how people are always saying stupid things and the year isn't quite over I think its best to start now (I'll need the head start, lots of things to cover).
Each post will cover 3 stupid things people have said, and at the end of the year I will award someone with the honor of being the grand dumb ass who put together the most incoherent sentence of the year.
#1. "At least you hurt your knee doing something you like" -Barber
As I was getting my hair cut the barber asked me what I was doing with the rest of my day, and in true super hero fashion I delivered nothing but honesty by replying "I'm going to physical therapy for my knee, then I'm going to eat and probably sleep/save the world". So this prompted this modern day mother Theresa to stop, put on a shocked face and stare into the mirror catching mirror eye contact with me. I was touched, almost felt a sincere feeling of caring. So I was asked how I hurt my knee, "I played too much basketball, Didn't get enough rest" suddenly a warm smile formed on the stupids face and then BAM that genius sentence was laid upon my unsuspecting ears. The fact that I'm not going to be able to play basketball for two months, have to go to physical therapy and possibly get further treatment if Therapy doesn't work (chondromalacia of the patella) is definitely bearable and smile-worthy once I remember I hurt it by "DOING SOMETHING I LIKE". Did anyone run around saying it was great that Steve Irwin died "DOING WHAT HE LIKES TO DO"? Do you see me telling a woman at least her fiance's motorcycle accident death was due to something he loves? Which leads me to #2...
#2. "My fiance got into a very bad motorcycle accident yesterday, and it doesn't look like he's going to make it so I'm returning the vacation shorts I bought for him". - Dumb Old Hag
This one was a shocker. I could not believe this lady was standing in front of me weeping about how her fiance looks like he's ABOUT TO FUCKING DIE while shes returning a bunch of plaid shorts. I honestly felt no remorse for this lady as she stood their crying, the only thoughts that ran through my head "shouldn't she be with him if hes DYING? I bet this is just an act so I don't judge her for being cheap". Naturally as soon as I told her she was getting 70 bucks back, the tears stopped she promptly signed and exited the building. Interesting.
#3. "Are the girls in Alaska like Eskimos?" -Keeping Identity anonymous
So I was talking to my friend and told him I'm visiting Alaska for the rest of the summer which prompted him to spit out that genius. My grandparents live in Anchorage Alaska, and contrary to popular belief, its not a city comprised of igloos and Eskimos (who prefer to be called Inuits by the way, I'm just sayin). There are in fact white people, black people, Asian people, and others. Its pretty amazing how uneducated many people are when it comes to the largest state (territory wise) in America. Even my doc (middle aged guy, pretty knowledgeable) asked how many MILES there were in between houses. Its not like that folks, houses are side by side, deli's and malls are only 5-10 min drives away. People don't use Moose for transportation, and its not always -10 degrees.
Honorable Mention
"Make one about how much iller your friends (mostly ****) are than you" - For the sake of anonymity lets call him "Erik"
Ha ha, Good one pal.
He also claimed he is just confident and not conceited, then went on to list himself as one of his favorite players in the NBA. Well Mr Pierce, I have to disagree, the best player in the NBA is either Kobe Bryant or Lebron James. You see Mr Pierce last year you were a sad pathetic vagina-man who couldn't win shit without proper support in one hell of a weak eastern conference. Then suddenly you get Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen, win a championship, and claim you're the greatest? Sorry bud, your team was the greatest for the 07/08 year but you're not greatest individual player.
(to everyone who wants to compare finals performances, it was only 6 games and Kobe went up against Bostons defense while pierce went up against Vladimir Radmanovic).
In light of Pierces stupid sentences I've decided to make a multi-post...post on the many stupid things people have said to me in the year 2008. Seeing as how people are always saying stupid things and the year isn't quite over I think its best to start now (I'll need the head start, lots of things to cover).
Each post will cover 3 stupid things people have said, and at the end of the year I will award someone with the honor of being the grand dumb ass who put together the most incoherent sentence of the year.
#1. "At least you hurt your knee doing something you like" -Barber
As I was getting my hair cut the barber asked me what I was doing with the rest of my day, and in true super hero fashion I delivered nothing but honesty by replying "I'm going to physical therapy for my knee, then I'm going to eat and probably sleep/save the world". So this prompted this modern day mother Theresa to stop, put on a shocked face and stare into the mirror catching mirror eye contact with me. I was touched, almost felt a sincere feeling of caring. So I was asked how I hurt my knee, "I played too much basketball, Didn't get enough rest" suddenly a warm smile formed on the stupids face and then BAM that genius sentence was laid upon my unsuspecting ears. The fact that I'm not going to be able to play basketball for two months, have to go to physical therapy and possibly get further treatment if Therapy doesn't work (chondromalacia of the patella) is definitely bearable and smile-worthy once I remember I hurt it by "DOING SOMETHING I LIKE". Did anyone run around saying it was great that Steve Irwin died "DOING WHAT HE LIKES TO DO"? Do you see me telling a woman at least her fiance's motorcycle accident death was due to something he loves? Which leads me to #2...
#2. "My fiance got into a very bad motorcycle accident yesterday, and it doesn't look like he's going to make it so I'm returning the vacation shorts I bought for him". - Dumb Old Hag
This one was a shocker. I could not believe this lady was standing in front of me weeping about how her fiance looks like he's ABOUT TO FUCKING DIE while shes returning a bunch of plaid shorts. I honestly felt no remorse for this lady as she stood their crying, the only thoughts that ran through my head "shouldn't she be with him if hes DYING? I bet this is just an act so I don't judge her for being cheap". Naturally as soon as I told her she was getting 70 bucks back, the tears stopped she promptly signed and exited the building. Interesting.
#3. "Are the girls in Alaska like Eskimos?" -Keeping Identity anonymous
So I was talking to my friend and told him I'm visiting Alaska for the rest of the summer which prompted him to spit out that genius. My grandparents live in Anchorage Alaska, and contrary to popular belief, its not a city comprised of igloos and Eskimos (who prefer to be called Inuits by the way, I'm just sayin). There are in fact white people, black people, Asian people, and others. Its pretty amazing how uneducated many people are when it comes to the largest state (territory wise) in America. Even my doc (middle aged guy, pretty knowledgeable) asked how many MILES there were in between houses. Its not like that folks, houses are side by side, deli's and malls are only 5-10 min drives away. People don't use Moose for transportation, and its not always -10 degrees.
Honorable Mention
"Make one about how much iller your friends (mostly ****) are than you" - For the sake of anonymity lets call him "Erik"
Ha ha, Good one pal.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Bears
I hate the Chicago Cubs. And by hate, I mean I seriously hate the Chicago Cubs. Rumor has it that Mark Cuban might end up being the new owner of the team. The Chicago Cubs + Mark Cuban= The epitome of what it is to be Evil and annoying. Funny thing is that my hatred for the Cubs doesn't come from the fact that they are dominating the national league, or that they have that asshole Alfonso Soriano. No, my hatred comes from the fact that they're the Chicago Cubs.
That's right. I hate bears.
Photo By: Wili_Hybrid
I can't stand bears, and honestly I don't understand why American culture is so obsessed with idolizing them. Doesn't anyone realize bears are MAN EATING MONSTERS!? I mean seriously, if you give your girlfriend a teddy bear (aka a "baby bear" with a Teddy Roosevelt flair) you're basically saying the following : "I am presenting you with a vicious killer in baby form, I hope you enjoy its cuddly cuteness while it lasts cause in due time it will gnaw your face off and ruin your shit". Why not go all out and give dolls of baby scorpains? snakes? or Sam Cassel? Yeah doesn't seem so sweet and romantic now, DOES IT ASSHOLES?
Next time the Chicago cubs roll into town, I'm calling animal control.
Edit: Just to clear something up, Polar bears rule and are an exception from this post. Click that link.
That's right. I hate bears.
Photo By: Wili_Hybrid
I can't stand bears, and honestly I don't understand why American culture is so obsessed with idolizing them. Doesn't anyone realize bears are MAN EATING MONSTERS!? I mean seriously, if you give your girlfriend a teddy bear (aka a "baby bear" with a Teddy Roosevelt flair) you're basically saying the following : "I am presenting you with a vicious killer in baby form, I hope you enjoy its cuddly cuteness while it lasts cause in due time it will gnaw your face off and ruin your shit". Why not go all out and give dolls of baby scorpains? snakes? or Sam Cassel? Yeah doesn't seem so sweet and romantic now, DOES IT ASSHOLES?
Next time the Chicago cubs roll into town, I'm calling animal control.
Edit: Just to clear something up, Polar bears rule and are an exception from this post. Click that link.
Saturday, August 2, 2008
I demand to be traded.
Manny Ramirez is officially a Los Angeles Dodger. After many years of Manny being Manny (Aka doing everything in his power to piss the Red Sox off and get out of Boston) the Red Sox finally got tired of his antics and decided to deal him. Here's what got me thinking though, After being asked what he thought of his time in Boston Manny replied:
“I feel like five thousand pounds are off my back.” Well I guess we know why Manny had to miss that Yankee game due to "knee soreness", he had one of these bad boys on his back.
“I feel like five thousand pounds are off my back.” Well I guess we know why Manny had to miss that Yankee game due to "knee soreness", he had one of these bad boys on his back.
Clearly Terry Francona prescribed Manny with Elephant training to help maintain (OR POSSIBLY IMPROVE?) his lackadaisical hustle towards first base. I definitely feel for Manny, it must have been tough winning two world series championships, earning about 20 million a year, and having to do that damn elephant training.
The morale of the Manny's struggle for freedom is the following:
It sucks being a multi millionaire athlete in a bad situation, and the only way to get out of said bad situations is to demand a trade. And by bad situation, I mean any of the following.
- Being on a losing team and feeling like your talents are being wasted. (Also known as Kevin Garnett)
- Being on a winning team and feeling like you're not getting enough credit. (Shawn Marion)
- Being an integral part of a world champion team, but feeling fed up/bored/other (Manny Rameriz)
- Realizing you can't win a championship by yourself(Kobe Bryant)
- Being a bad teammate, attention whore and egotistic asshole (Jeremy Shockey)
- No one knows or cares, but you ask to be traded anyway cause' you feel like its a bad situation. (Antoine Walker)
Thanks to said story I've issued my own trade demand. I demand to be traded into a job where I make millions, and have fun doing so.
Seriously, Manny might have to put up with Boston, Kobe might have had to put up with Kwame and Smush, and Shawn might have had to put up with being the third wheel to Amare and Nash but at least those guys get millions to play a SPORT (fun stuff, no?).
I've decided to conduct a scientific experiment (with facts and goggles) to find out who truly has it off worst when it comes to work, disgruntled athletes or Captain Awesome (me).
This experiment of science will consist of 2 issues, whoever scores the most total points has it off worst.
Issue #1: The people you deal with.
Captain awesome deals with many many types of people, such as.
- People who can't read: Seriously, While working for a Retail store Women would always enter the men's fitting room and put on a perplexed face when I told them that it was "the MEN'S fitting room". Apparently they missed out on the part where you have to have a penis to be a man. Either that or they can't read. Surprisingly (More like not surprisingly) my English teacher from high school turned out to be one of these people.
- People named Osama Bin Ladin: My Boss at 7-11 was apparently named OBL...but his name tag conveniently said "SAM". Mr "Sam" was a short man, looked like a dwarf and was from Egypt or something. This evil dictator, who I referred to as Saddam, gave me a 15 minute break for 12 hour shifts. Holy shit, I hated that guy.
- People who are afraid of Rain: Whenever it rains, you always find those assholes who stand in front of the exit door and look out at the pouring rain. Then a couple of minutes later another asshole joins him, and they begin to have a deep intellectual conversation along the lines of the following.
Dumbass A: "Rainin pretty hard out there"
Dumbass B: "Yeah, hopefully it clears up soon, I kinda want to go home."
Dumbass A: "I parked all the way down there, If I was to leave the safety of this department store, I would be soaked and exposed for the witch I truly am"
Dumbass B: "Oh you're a witch? I'm just an asshole who's too scared to leave the store and go on a 10 second run to my car, I'll just wait out the storm".
ARG. Man I hate those people, this segment of the experiment yields a 5/5.
Athletes
Deal with Fans: Fans can be pretty damn annoying. Although they are the primary source of income for athletes, they tend to be despised by many. For example, Ron Artest had a cup of beer thrown at him and it led to him beating the crap out of said beer throwers Friend. Ron Ron doesn't like fans. Although its safe to say a lot of fans don't like him (been asked to be traded a little too much?). Kobe got booed by his "hometown" Philly fans in the all star game of 2002 (And by his OWN crowd in the 07/08 season opener), boy that must have scarred Kobe deeply. Possibly enough to assault someone in a hotel room in Colorado sometime later in his career. Oh wait.
Deal with their bosses/peers: David Stern. Sam Cassel. Damn.
I have to admit, these guys have it rough in this aspect too. 5/5
Issue #2. Bank Accounts.
Captain Awesome
My bank account generally has enough to pay my tuition and afford moderately priced cars.
3/5
Athletes
Generally make 400k to 20 million a year.
0/5
Final scores
Captain Awesome: 8/10
Athletes: 5/10
As you can see, If anyone should be demanding trades its people like me. So what if you're on a losing team or working in a city/with people you can't stand? You're getting MILLIONS to play a sport (which you most likely love playing). I'm not saying I don't understand the drive and passion some people have for winning (Like KG). Passion for winning is an integral part of every successful athlete, but its not a pass for disrespecting your team and acting like the world revolves around you. If you're on a losing team or in a situation you don't like, suck it up and wait until your contract expires. Your services were obtained by a team to help them win, not to build your own "winning" legacy. Its not about KG winning a championship, its about the team KG is on winning a championship. When your getting paid the way these athletes get paid, its best to shut your mouth and do what you can for your current team.
Save the trade demands for people like me.
The morale of the Manny's struggle for freedom is the following:
It sucks being a multi millionaire athlete in a bad situation, and the only way to get out of said bad situations is to demand a trade. And by bad situation, I mean any of the following.
- Being on a losing team and feeling like your talents are being wasted. (Also known as Kevin Garnett)
- Being on a winning team and feeling like you're not getting enough credit. (Shawn Marion)
- Being an integral part of a world champion team, but feeling fed up/bored/other (Manny Rameriz)
- Realizing you can't win a championship by yourself(Kobe Bryant)
- Being a bad teammate, attention whore and egotistic asshole (Jeremy Shockey)
- No one knows or cares, but you ask to be traded anyway cause' you feel like its a bad situation. (Antoine Walker)
Thanks to said story I've issued my own trade demand. I demand to be traded into a job where I make millions, and have fun doing so.
Seriously, Manny might have to put up with Boston, Kobe might have had to put up with Kwame and Smush, and Shawn might have had to put up with being the third wheel to Amare and Nash but at least those guys get millions to play a SPORT (fun stuff, no?).
I've decided to conduct a scientific experiment (with facts and goggles) to find out who truly has it off worst when it comes to work, disgruntled athletes or Captain Awesome (me).
This experiment of science will consist of 2 issues, whoever scores the most total points has it off worst.
Issue #1: The people you deal with.
Captain awesome deals with many many types of people, such as.
- People who can't read: Seriously, While working for a Retail store Women would always enter the men's fitting room and put on a perplexed face when I told them that it was "the MEN'S fitting room". Apparently they missed out on the part where you have to have a penis to be a man. Either that or they can't read. Surprisingly (More like not surprisingly) my English teacher from high school turned out to be one of these people.
- People named Osama Bin Ladin: My Boss at 7-11 was apparently named OBL...but his name tag conveniently said "SAM". Mr "Sam" was a short man, looked like a dwarf and was from Egypt or something. This evil dictator, who I referred to as Saddam, gave me a 15 minute break for 12 hour shifts. Holy shit, I hated that guy.
- People who are afraid of Rain: Whenever it rains, you always find those assholes who stand in front of the exit door and look out at the pouring rain. Then a couple of minutes later another asshole joins him, and they begin to have a deep intellectual conversation along the lines of the following.
Dumbass A: "Rainin pretty hard out there"
Dumbass B: "Yeah, hopefully it clears up soon, I kinda want to go home."
Dumbass A: "I parked all the way down there, If I was to leave the safety of this department store, I would be soaked and exposed for the witch I truly am"
Dumbass B: "Oh you're a witch? I'm just an asshole who's too scared to leave the store and go on a 10 second run to my car, I'll just wait out the storm".
ARG. Man I hate those people, this segment of the experiment yields a 5/5.
Athletes
Deal with Fans: Fans can be pretty damn annoying. Although they are the primary source of income for athletes, they tend to be despised by many. For example, Ron Artest had a cup of beer thrown at him and it led to him beating the crap out of said beer throwers Friend. Ron Ron doesn't like fans. Although its safe to say a lot of fans don't like him (been asked to be traded a little too much?). Kobe got booed by his "hometown" Philly fans in the all star game of 2002 (And by his OWN crowd in the 07/08 season opener), boy that must have scarred Kobe deeply. Possibly enough to assault someone in a hotel room in Colorado sometime later in his career. Oh wait.
Deal with their bosses/peers: David Stern. Sam Cassel. Damn.
I have to admit, these guys have it rough in this aspect too. 5/5
Issue #2. Bank Accounts.
Captain Awesome
My bank account generally has enough to pay my tuition and afford moderately priced cars.
3/5
Athletes
Generally make 400k to 20 million a year.
0/5
Final scores
Captain Awesome: 8/10
Athletes: 5/10
As you can see, If anyone should be demanding trades its people like me. So what if you're on a losing team or working in a city/with people you can't stand? You're getting MILLIONS to play a sport (which you most likely love playing). I'm not saying I don't understand the drive and passion some people have for winning (Like KG). Passion for winning is an integral part of every successful athlete, but its not a pass for disrespecting your team and acting like the world revolves around you. If you're on a losing team or in a situation you don't like, suck it up and wait until your contract expires. Your services were obtained by a team to help them win, not to build your own "winning" legacy. Its not about KG winning a championship, its about the team KG is on winning a championship. When your getting paid the way these athletes get paid, its best to shut your mouth and do what you can for your current team.
Save the trade demands for people like me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
